


Was He Really Ever Yours?

by momstiel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark, Dark Sirius Black, Jealousy, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Murder, No Sex, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Post-Hogwarts, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Yandere, bit of a yandere situation tbh, light makeout, sirius has a lot of problems but he'd never hurt remus, something i like to call non-consensual apparition, tonks is aged up and only a tiny bit younger than Remus and Sirius, yandere sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 06:33:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momstiel/pseuds/momstiel
Summary: The problem wasn’t that he was gorgeous.The problem was that she knew he was.All Sirius has ever wanted was Remus, and he’s determined to be with him at any cost - even if it means he needs to eliminate his cousin from the picture in the process.





	Was He Really Ever Yours?

**Author's Note:**

> CONTENT WARNING; Dark stuff such as obsession and murder are present in this fic. (Don't worry, no rape present in this fic) 
> 
> Thanks to @Adzel for Beta-Reading it!

Sirius’s eyes were glued to Remus as he came into the Leaky Cauldron hand in hand with nobody other than Nymphadora Tonks. A pulse of jealousy ran through his veins at the sight of one of his best friends frolicking so close with his little cousin. If someone were to look upon the scene, they might have assumed it just a case of him being overly protective of his younger relative, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

 

“Goodmorning, Sirius,” A familiar voice- one Sirius knew well that was laced with warmth and love. Some of the anger boiled away as his vision locked on a pair of beautiful amber eyes. The morning light coming in from the window was hitting them in such of a way that they shined almost yellow. Sirius was rendered speechless for a few seconds as his heart skipped a beat. 

 

“Morning, Moony,” Sirius replied with an air of nonchalance. He was doing his best to appear unaffected by the sight that welcomed him. Wiggling over, he made room on his side of the booth for Remus to sit down. However, by the time he looked up, he noticed that Tonks already was tugging him down to sit next to her. Sirius narrowed his eyes for a few seconds, irritable because his advancement was shot down in favor of his cousin’s. 

 

“Hey there, cousin!” Tonks chirpily announced once Remus sat down next to her. She looked up from the menu that was already placed on the table to greet him. “Sorry, we were running a tiny bit late. We were doing things,” She winked as if trying to imply it was something sexual. Sirius’s grip on his own menu tightened. 

 

“It’s fine.” Sirius lied, looking down at the assortment of food options. He decided he was going to order something light, any trace of an appetite ruined. “So, Moony,” He began, looking up and feeling some sort of relief when he was staring at Remus. There was something handsome and breathtaking about him. He was the embodiment of everything pure in his life - his presence in itself is an aether. “You and Nymphadora, huh?” 

 

His cousin visibly tensed at the name, swiftly jumping in before her boyfriend could say anything. “Tonks. It’s Tonks.”

 

Honestly, Sirius never really had a problem with his cousin. She was alright, one of the better relatives he shared blood with. Sure, she was loud, and disaster followed her around wherever she went, but overall, she  _ was  _ fine. Yet, the day she set an owl to Sirius’s flat, flamboyantly writing to him all about her and Remus’s first date, his opinion changed. It had come as an utter shock to his system, because never in a million years would he have expected his best friend to accept her advances. At Hogwarts, Remus had briefly dated Kingsley, and Sirius had always assumed he was gay. He never broke a sweat over Tonk’s flirtations to the werewolf because it never crossed his mind that his crush was bisexual (or even slightly interested in someone like Tonks). 

 

Since that day, Sirius held a personal grudge against her. He realized he fancied Remus in the seventh year, and he vowed that within the next year, he’d make him his. Now, almost exactly two years after graduation, Sirius realized that he was behind in his plan. During his elaborate plotting, he had never once considered that his cousin would move in and prove to make herself an enemy to the cause. 

 

“Yeah, Tonks and I,” Remus replied, a hint of awkwardness present in his voice as he admitted it. He ran his hand over his neck, a nervous tick that Sirius had grown rather acquainted to seeing over sharing a dorm with him for seven years. In fact, because of their shared residency, he had become fluent in understanding the werewolf’s body language in general. 

 

“Well, congratulations,” Sirius replied dully. He wore a small grin, knowing for now he had to at least act the part. Even though he felt a strong urge to slap his cousin, he kept it concealed. His hatred was burning hot inside of him, but if he let it out, he would have to explain why he was so opposed to them dating.  “It just surprises me a little.” 

 

“That’s understandable,” Remus assured, glancing at Tonks. He gave her a warm smile, a smile that Sirius personally believed should be reserved only for him. “We are polar opposites, but I think that’s why we’re such of a good fit. I balance her out, and she teaches me how to live a little.”  _ Precisely why we would make such of a good match ourselves, my dear Moony.  _

 

“Couldn’t help myself,” Tonks chuckled, looking back at her boyfriend. She smiled kindly at him, “I guess there’s something really endearing about this nerd,” She added with a grin, reaching up to ruffle Remus’s golden curls. A faint blush grew on his cheeks as he awkwardly accepted the action. 

 

“There really is,” Sirius added, looking fondly at Remus. 

 

Remus shook his head even though his face betrayed him and showed the starting signs of a small smile cracking onto his chapped lips. “Oh, you two are just flattering me.” He teased. He never had taken well to compliments or flirtations, always doing his best to deflect them. 

 

Before any of them could fit in anything else, a waiter came up to take their orders. Remus ordered a hot chocolate and some french toast while Sirius requested some eggs, bacon, and pumpkin juice. When the waiter came to Tonks, she just ordered a coffee - much to Sirius’s surprise. Once their orders were taken back, Sirius arched a brow. “Only coffee?” 

 

“Oh, yeah! I’m just staying for a tiny bit. I’ve got auror training soon, and I’ll be heading off. I just wanted to meet with you to catch up a tiny bit, Sirius.” Tonks replied chirpily, looking proudly towards Remus, “Plus, I love spending time with my darling boyfriend and my darling cousin.” 

 

_ Can’t relate,  _ Sirius thought bitterly, looking at Tonks. Despite still being jealous, his mood lightened considerably as he realized that he was finally going to be having some alone time with Remus. 

  
  
“It’s a shame you can’t stay longer,” Remus said to Tonks, and all Sirius could think was ‘ _is it really much of a shame though?”_ “But good luck with the training,” 

 

“I don’t need luck,” Tonks replied, wearing a smug attitude Sirius recognized mirrored his own in years past.  _ I don’t see why he fell for her and not for me…  _ He thought. 

 

Remus chuckled, glancing up as the waiter brought over their drinks. He thanked him, wiggling out of the booth to allow Tonks to leave. She escaped past him after she got a hold on her coffee. Her red lipstick left a mark on Remus’s cheek as she kissed him goodbye. “For us,” She said, reaching into her pocket and handing her boyfriend a few coins to cover their meal. 

 

Always awkward with money, Remus just silently accepted it and slid it into his pocket. Sirius knew that Remus always felt uncomfortable having others buy stuff for him. It was one of the traits that drew him to Sirius. Once Tonks was gone, Sirius grabbed a napkin and passed it to his friend. His expression softened, “To take care of the little mark you’ve got there,” He touched his own cheek to show Remus where the lipstick stain was.  _ Just thought you wouldn’t want to be walking around with the mark of the devil on you.   _

 

“Oh, thanks,” Remus said, giving Sirius a small smile. 

 

For the next hour, Sirius relished his alone time with the werewolf. They talked about anything and everything. They talked about the good and the bad and everything in-between. In his mind, he liked to fantasize that they were on a date and at that moment everything was meant to be. Remus was his, and he was Remus’s, and they were happy. 

 

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and this meeting was no exception. When Remus got up and excused himself, reality left a painful mark on him. Sirius quickly realized that he wasn’t going to be going with him and that their little piece of heaven was over. Remus would be going back to Tonks, and alas Sirius would be going back home, alone.

 

* * *

 

Later that night as Sirius stirred in bed, he dreamed of amber eyes and scarred flesh. Remus’s heat engulfed his body as they moved together as if they were one. His front brushed against the werewolf’s, both desperate for some sort of euphoric release. In his dream, he had the privilege to explore every inch of that beautiful body. 

 

“Sirius…” Remus would whisper when he finally tore his chapped lips away from Sirius’s. He’d be breathless, every ounce of his soul poured into Sirius’s. His hands would move, marking every part of Sirius’s body they came in contact with. Then, as their foreheads touched, he would mutter a promise under his breath, “I love you… so, so, so much… I’ll never leave you…”

 

* * *

 

It was early in the morning when Sirius finally awoke. The tiniest bit of sun made its way through a crack in his curtains. Even with all the lights in his bedroom turned off, the area was still properly illuminated. With a stretch, Sirius reached out, and much to his disappointment felt nothing around him. There was no sign of another person residing in the bed, further wheeling him out of his dreamlike state and into the harsh reality of the world. Remus wasn’t next to him, hogging the blankets and suffocating him with his lanky limbs. As a result, nothing felt right. 

 

Sirius peered towards the window, and much to his dismay the curtains weren’t open enough to allow him to see much of the outside world. He shuffled out of bed, mindlessly sliding into his slippers as he walked to the window. As the sun hit his face, he squinted, letting his eyes adjust to the brightness. Once he could properly see, he scanned the nearly empty London street below him. 

 

One of the many things Sirius had learned to love about Remus was his cottage. He lived by the woods, and the view from his window was nothing like Sirius’s. Like his eyes, and all else in his life, everything was grey. From the cement to chimney smoke, everything in sight was dull. It was all as colorless as he felt. Remus’s house felt worlds away - just like his touch did. Everything was green - the color of life -from Remus’s windows. It fit a man like him all too well. 

 

Sirius’s eyes fell to a pack of cigarettes lounging on his dresser. They produced the same grey as many things in his life did. The pack drew Sirius in and he ended up pocketing them before he went to his wardrobe to dress for the day. As he slid on a pair of old ripped jeans and a band tee, Sirius’s mind wandered to Remus yet again. He was most likely asleep still, but he had never been one to oppose a morning smoke. Even though he was green, he had never opposed to some grey entering his world.  _ So why hasn’t he let me in? _

 

* * *

 

After a quick shower, a small bite for breakfast, and everything else in-between, Sirius found himself standing in front of a familiar little cottage. He walked up the stone path towards the door, admiring the flowerbeds surrounding the shack. Even though the cottage had peeling paint and openings where vines had crawled in, the flowers were alive. Even from the outside, Sirius felt warm and welcomed into the homey abode. 

 

Yet, as he opened the door and invited himself in, the warmth quickly faded. What welcomed him was the sight of Tonks and Remus sprawled on an old couch, their mouths interlocked. Their hands were all over each other, as they desperately pulled and tugged, trying to devour each other whole. Memories of his dream came crashing into the forefront of his mind like a wave. It was the same, but so, so wrong. Instead of Tonks, it should have been him… He should be there, not her. Remus was HIS.

 

Blackish red rage bubbled inside of him, and he stumbled back. He needed Tonks gone and out of the picture  _ now. _ He was so lost in his own sick mind, fantasizing about ripping his cousin to shreds, that he hadn’t even heard the surprised gasp she let out. 

 

“Sirius! I wasn’t expecting you here,” Remus quickly fumbled around, parting himself from Tonks and straightening himself out. He ran a hand through his curls in a weak attempt to flatten them. 

 

Sirius, rendered speechless, just stared at the scene that met his eyes. He wanted to kill her. He needed to kill her. He took a shaky breath. As much as he wanted nothing more than to punch her, he knew he couldn’t. He closed his eyes and counted backward from ten in his mind. His therapist had told him that it would work when his fits of anger threatened to bubble over. She wasn’t useful for a lot of things, but he was still glad that the counting soothed him enough to prevent him from murdering Tonks right then and there. “I wasn’t expecting  _ her _ here.” 

 

Remus’s face was quickly turning a wonderful shade of puce. Tonks, on the other hand, only pinked slightly, managing to compose herself better. It pissed him off how nonchalant she seemed about the whole ideal. It felt as though she was mocking him, teasing him with what he could never have. 

 

“Well she is my girlfriend-” Remus was still speaking, but Sirius had stopped listening. His voice was echoing over and over in his mind like some sort of broken record.  _ Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.  _ “... Sirius?” 

 

Sirius blinked a few times before glancing up at Remus. “Sorry, what did you say?” He asked, tensing. 

 

“I asked why you came here,” Remus replied simply, a tiny bit of concern sparkling in those beautiful eyes. “Are you feeling alright, Pads…?” 

 

_ Just peachy, mate.  _ “I’m alright,” Sirius clarified, clearing his throat a tiny bit. “I came here because I wanted to know if you were up to a quick morning smoke,” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes as if they would validate his story. 

 

Remus’s expression softened, “Oh, sorry,” He quickly apologized, shifting around awkwardly. “I appreciate the notion, but I think for both of our sakes, you should send an owl in warning beforehand.”  _ I never had to in the past. It’s because of her. She’s changing you, Rem. Why can’t you see she’s bad for you?  _

 

“It’s okay. How about to make up for this little mixup, we all go out to the pub tonight and have some fun?” Sirius offered, trying to gain back some of his usual playfulness. 

 

Before Remus could answer, Tonks jerked up and replied, “I think that sounds like a lot of fun.”  _ Classic Tonks. Never passing up any chance to get drunk and party.  _ “I don’t have any auror training tomorrow, so we’re all good!” 

 

Sirius was originally going to ask Tonks to butt out because he wanted to have a guys night out with Remus alone, but then  _ it _ hit him. A plan that involved a very intoxicated Tonks that was bound to solve all his problems. A small grin fell on his lips as he looked upon the only obstacle that kept him from Remus, “Sounds like a plan.” Since he was in a good mood due to his sudden realization, he threw up his hand and turned to face the door, “See you later, lovebirds. Have fun, but not too much fun, you know?” 

 

* * *

 

Sirius Black flew through the rest of the day with a grin on his face the entire time. He was happy. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he just knew that if he executed his plan right, Remus could be his as soon as tomorrow. There were a lot of factors that could go wrong, but he didn’t care. He was so blinded by the thought of finally being able to kiss those forbidden lips that he felt invincible. 

 

Yet, as he stood between Tonks and Remus at the crowded pub, his stomach twisted with both anticipation and nervousness. There was no going back after tonight - not that he would want to anyways. He looked at his friend for a few seconds then back down at his own glass. It was filled with something light, as he decided that things would have a lower chance of success if he was shit-faced. Tonks had no such reserves though, and she was already chugging down shots and dancing in time to the Queen track playing. Remus seemed to be a good mix of them, as he drank a decent amount - but not enough to get blackout drunk. 

 

It seemed as though all was going to plan, but Sirius felt antsy. He knew what he wanted to do, but he didn’t know how to get Tonks alone to execute it. Remus had to be away from the scene because Sirius didn’t want any witnesses. His mind was running through a million different excuses, but none of them seemed to be good enough. Everything felt suspicious and far fetched -  _ ‘Rem, oops, I forgot my wand at home, can you apparate to my flat and get it?’ - ‘Hey, Remus, I thought I saw some cool shops by the bar, why don’t you go and check them out?’.  _

 

Fortunately, as he was planning, something fell right into his lap. Remus held out his glass and handed it to Tonks, “I’m going to be heading to the bathroom.” He said, excusing himself. Tonks seemed to be too lost in her own world to properly formulate a response, but Sirius nodded and flashed a grin at his best mate. 

 

Once Remus vanished from sight, Sirius took Tonks by the hand and began to guide her to the exit, “Hey, I’ve got something really cool to show you.”  _ Great. That sounded weak.  _ Luckily, Tonks was giggling enough to just go along with it. 

 

“Awww- there was at least a good thirty seconds left of  _ Another One Bites the Dust _ in there!” Tonks weakly protested even though she followed Sirius outside. Once they were out, Sirius led her to the alleyway beside the pub. It was a good night - perfectly quiet and vacant. A half-full moon hung in the sky, illuminating the dark alley in a poor light. There was nothing else in there except for a few trash cans and old newspaper littered around the floor.  _ A perfect place for getting rid of a man-stealing little bitch.  _

 

“Thanks for taking me to see the … trash?” Tonks asked, amusement on her face. She turned away from Sirius, looking around in the alley. As he stared at her back, he realized it was now or never. Shakily, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand. “So what…” 

 

She never got to finish her sentence. As she turned her face towards Sirius, he got a glimpse of those brown eyes falling on him. He had always envied her eyes. She had gotten her features more from her father, Ted, than her mother. She looked the least like a Black, which is a huge feat considering her blood contained a lot of inbreeding. Yet, as Sirius muttered the words, “Petrificus Totalus!”, the brown in her eyes were washed out by a wave of confusion. She fell onto the floor, and Sirius could see some scrapes and bruises forming from where her soft skin came into contact with the hard ground. 

 

Now limp and completely vulnerable, Tonks remained lifeless on the ground. The only sign she wasn’t dead being her eyes that were darting around, focusing on Sirius as he walked closer. He approached the body and bent over, running his wand down her cheek. Tilting his head to the side, he began to talk in a gentle tone, mimicking a comforting facade, “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” 

 

It was clear from the look Tonks was giving him that she was lost, so Sirius threw her a bone. “Remus. He’s gorgeous. Not a lot of people see that you know? I saw it though. I always have. It’s just… well…” He dropped his wand, putting his hands around Tonks’s neck. Pushing his thumbs down gently, putting some friction on her throat, he watched as Tonks’s eyes widened with pain and fear. “It’s just a shame you saw it, too.” 

 

Images of Tonks kissing Remus, holding him,  _ claiming him _ , filled his mind. He needed them all to go away, so he found himself pushing down harder. As much as he had liked Tonks, she was just too much of an obstacle. A rush of jealousy and anger coursed through him and he pushed down with all his strength. 

 

As he strangled her, time seemed to slow. He was hyper-aware of every little detail. The way his hands ached, his knuckles turning a pale white from his tight grip. The way the light slowly faded from Tonk’s eyes. The way the tiny little pulse beneath his pinkie finger just… stopped. And then she was dead… just like that. 

 

Sirius felt sick and repulsed as he looked down at the corpse beneath him. He never wanted it to get this far. He began to tremble, knowing he couldn’t just sit and analyze his decisions as much as he wanted to. Shakily, he began to run a hand through his black hair, reaching for his wand with his free hand. He got to his feet even though his knees were threatening to buckle. 

 

_ You didn’t kill your little cousin. You didn’t kill Tonks. You killed your enemy. You killed the only thing keeping you from Remus.  _ His inner voice tried to reassure him, finding any reason plausible to chase away the guilt he felt under his skin. For the second time that night, he lifted his wand and pointed it towards Tonks. “Incendio.” 

 

Instantly flames appeared, cremating her remains. The alley that was once dark was now lit and Sirius could only pray that no curious eyes walked past. It felt like too long, just sitting and watching as the fire distorted what was left of his cousin beyond recognition. When it was mostly taken care of, and ash remained in the spot where a body once was, Sirius cupped up in his bare hands what he could. Then, he went to the trash can and dumped it in. The rest of the ash was carried off by the wind, and Sirius watched as the obstacle faded. 

 

By the time he got back into the pub, Remus was at the bar. He looked over at Sirius, his expression lightening when he caught sight of them. “Where were you? Where is Tonks?” He asked the second he approached. 

 

Sirius raised one hand and put it on Remus’s shoulder, “Sorry about just ghosting you like that,” He apologized, “Tonks was just feeling a little under the weather. I was worried she’d pass out any second, so I decided to apparate her back home. I stayed until I was sure she was in bed, then I came back.” 

 

Having no reason to distrust him, Remus just nodded. “I’m afraid she is a bit of a heavy drinker. Well, I’m glad you took her back. Thank you.” 

 

“It was no problem at all, now let’s get back to enjoying ourselves here.”

 

* * *

 

Much to his excitement, Sirius was able to convince Remus to come back and crash at his flat for the night. It felt exciting and fresh having him all to himself. “It’s getting a bit late, isn’t it?” He stated as they finally arrived. 

 

Remus went over to the couch in the living room area, “It is. I’ll crash on the sofa for the night.” 

 

“Don’t be silly, Moony,” Sirius said, touching his elbow. He began to gently guide Remus to his bedroom. “I would be a terrible host if I made you sleep on the couch.”  _ Only the best for my Moons.  _ “My bed is yours. It’s a lot more comfortable and you shouldn’t wake up to back pain.” 

 

“No matter where I sleep, I’ll wake up with back pain,” Remus chuckled as he was taken into the side room. He went over to the duvet, sitting on the side. “I appreciate it a lot… you sure it won’t be a little weird? I don’t want to make you sleep on the couch.” 

 

Sirius went over to his wardrobe and shamelessly stripped out of his shirt, throwing it into his laundry bin. “Remus,” His grin widened, “We’ve been friends for over ten years. It’s not a terrible crime if you and I share a bed.” 

 

“I guess you’re right,” Remus visibly relaxed, crawling into bed fully clothed. Sirius chuckled, knowing perfectly well that Remus was always the most comfortable when he was drowning in clothing. It was cute. He crawled in and tucked himself under the blanket. “You’re right, it is comfy.” 

 

Sirius went over to the other side of the bed, sitting down. Once he was in beside Remus, he reached over and flicked the bedside light off. Even though it was dark, Sirius could make out Remus’s form. Something warm filled his heart as he realized he was sleeping next to him. He resisted the urge to reach out and wrap his arms around him, inhaling his scent and stealing his warmth.  _ Soon.  _

 

“Goodnight, Sirius.” 

 

“Goodnight, Rem.”

 

* * *

 

Not surprisingly, Sirius awoke the next morning before Remus. However, instead of getting up and doing any of his usual activities, he just lounged in bed. During the night, Remus had curled closer, throwing one arm lazily over Sirius’s stomach. There was something beautiful about it, and Sirius just stared at him in awe. If he closed his eyes and pretended hard enough, he could imagine this being just another morning waking up with Remus. 

 

Deciding to be risky, Sirius leaned forward and put his lips against Remus’s forehead. It felt nice, and when he didn’t start, Sirius felt a stronger urge to push his luck further. Trying to be as gentle as possible, Sirius bent ahead and let his lips brush against Remus’s. It was a small peck, but Sirius felt love run through his veins. It felt so… so right. 

 

When thirty more minutes passed, Sirius decided that it was time to get up for the day. He could even prepare some breakfast and bring it to his sleeping beauty. He pried himself free from Remus’s arm - slowly and reluctantly. Then, he slid into his slippers and began to walk towards his kitchen. 

 

Once the meal was prepared - tea, chocolate chip pancakes, and some bacon, Sirius grabbed it and put it on a cookie tray. It was the best thing he had that let him carry everything at once. As Sirius made his way back to the bedroom he realized that he would  _ not _ be a good waiter. Everything felt unstable, but he carried on, and fortunately, nothing spilled over. “Morning, Moony!” 

 

Remus stirred in his sheets, and slowly a head started to peek up. Amber eyes groggily opened, and Sirius could have sworn he stopped breathing for a second. “I made you some breakfast because I know you’re against this whole ‘morning concept’.” He wobbly made his way over to the bed and placed the try across Remus’s lap once he sat up. 

 

“You really didn’t have to do this…” Remus began. 

 

“Nope,” Sirius silenced him, “Not one word like that. I know I didn’t ‘have to’, but I wanted to.” He reassured, sitting beside him. 

 

“Well, I appreciate it immensely.”

 

* * *

 

For the next few hours, Sirius could have sworn he was in heaven. He had breakfast with Remus, talking enthusiastically about which of Bowie’s albums were the best. Then, they gathered onto the sofa to watch some telly together. Sirius never really was much of a fan of the muggle technology, but Remus seemed to rather enjoy it, so he kept it for him. After sitting through a few shows with Rem, Sirius was slowly starting to see the appeal in it. 

 

Everything was going so perfectly and maybe that’s why the world beneath his feet was starting to crack open as Remus shattered his fantasy. “I had a lot of fun with you today, but I should probably be heading out to check on Tonks. I’m sure she could use a hand or two with the hangover she’s bound to have.” 

 

Sirius’s grip on the remote tightened as he tensed. He thought he got rid of Tonks. Why was he STILL competing with her after she was gone? It wasn’t fair… it wasn’t fair! “I’m sure she’s fine.” 

 

“Oh, I’m sure of it,” Remus replied, “She’s pretty resilient.”  _ Really? That could have fooled me. She seemed to go down pretty easy…  _ “But I’m sure she’s wondering where I am.” He stood up, heading towards the door. Sirius stood up and began to follow him. “I do appreciate all you’ve done for me today. We’ll need to catch up soon.” 

 

Sirius shook his head, “You don’t have to go, you know.” He couldn’t wrap his head around the situation because his jealousy was blurring his vision. He didn’t want Remus to go back. He’d realize Tonks was gone and he’d dedicate his time to finding something he’d never be able to. 

 

“I know,” Remus said softly, putting his hand on the doorknob. However, before he could open it, Sirius reached for his wrist. “Sirius…?” 

 

“You’re not going anywhere…” Sirius said, tugging Remus backward a little and away from the door. “Come on… why don’t we come and sit down, watch another movie? Then later we can go out for a smoke by your cottage. Wouldn’t that be nice?” 

 

Remus stilled, not making any effort to form a response. He just pulled his wrist back gently, but Sirius tightened his grip. “Sirius… let go. Come on, this isn’t funny anymore. I really do need to get going.” 

 

“No, you don’t,” Sirius snarled, trying to pull Remus closer but he didn’t budge. Then, with some strength that Sirius could only accredit to the wolf, Remus broke free from the hold. “We’re going to stay here! We’re going to be happy!” He cried out, feeling actual tears forming in his eyes. He didn’t come this far just to let Remus slip away.  _ Why don’t you want to stay with me? Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t you want to love me? Please stay. Please don’t leave me alone. I need you. I need you. I NEED YOU. I love you so much. You love me. Why are you hurting me and running?  _ “Please! Don’t leave me!” 

  
  
Remus had opened the door, halfway out, as he glanced back at Sirius. He looked frightened by his hysterical outburst. Deciding not to waste any time, Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand. For the second time, he cast out the body-binding curse, “Petrificus Totalus!” 

 

In a blink of an eye, Remus fell limp at the entrance of the flat. Quickly, Sirius pulled him back in by his ankles before shutting the door. He looked down at the body, bending over it. “I don’t get it, Rem! I’ve been with you since we were eleven years old! I’ve been your friend. I’ve done everything for you… but now you always want to go back to her! She doesn’t know you like I know you!” He cried out. Anything his therapist taught him about calming down was quickly being trashed. 

 

Something akin to realization filled Remus’s wide eyes. Sirius watched as some of his own tears fell onto Rem’s face below. “I just want to love you, Moons… I don’t want to hurt you. I’d  _ never _ want to hurt you.” 

 

For what seemed like the best of ten minutes, Sirius just stayed on his knees and talked to Remus. He revealed everything - about how he fell in love with him at Hogwarts, and how he felt so much hatred when he received Tonk’s letter, and how he had such of a strong urge to kiss and cuddle him in the night. All of his deepest secrets poured out except for one. He could never, ever, tell Remus the truth about what happened to Tonks. Sooner or later, he was bound to realize and question her disappearance. Sirius just was willing to do anything in his power to make it later though. 

 

Once he was done pouring his heart out, Sirius wiped his tears on the back of his sleeve. He looked down on Remus’s limp body and slowly put his hand in the other’s. He knew what he could do for now. So, as he calmed, he decided to apparate both of them to his late Uncle Alphard’s shack. He had left it in Sirius’s name, but up until the past summer he had done little to renovate it. Maybe it could be a little project he could work on now that he had a use for it. He could start a new life with Remus in here. Keep them both away from the world and hide from the past. 

 

He picked Remus up and carried him into the shack. Fortunately, it had a nice little living area set up. The couch was old but still fine, minus a few stitches popped. He placed the man down on it and took a step back. “Now, please forgive me for what I’m about to do.” 

 

He lifted his wand and aimed it at Remus.

 

“ _ Obliviate.” _

 

* * *

 

For the next hour, Sirius talked with Remus and formed a big lie. As suspected, Remus was in a daze, and it seemed as the spell had wiped out the last year and a half from his memory. So, Sirius decided to fill in the blanks with what he felt was more fitting. He talked about how they started dating, and he formed together a big story to explain how Remus hit his head and experienced some minor amnesia. It was hard to tell if Remus bought it, but Sirius was pouring his heart into making it all seem as realistic as possible. 

 

“So… we’re dating?” Remus asked once Sirius had finished. “You and I, we’re actually together?” 

 

“Yes, why wouldn’t we be?” Sirius asked, tilting his head to the side. His heart was trying to break free out of his rib cage, but he tried to not let it show. 

 

“No, it’s just…” Remus lifted his head up, tawny hair falling out of his eyes. “I thought you liked girls…” 

 

Sirius let out a small chuckle at the accusation. “I like girls as much as Snape likes shampoo, so not very much.” He clarified, reaching over and squeezing Remus’s hand. He wasn’t sure for how long he could create this fake world for them, but he was going to try while he was able to. 

 

A smile fell on Remus’s lips, “You know, I’ve had a thing for you since the fourth year.” He admitted, shaking his head. “And here, we got together, and I can’t even remember a single thing.” He sounded a tiny bit distressed, but Sirius’s heart caught in his throat. 

 

_ Since… fourth year?  _ Sirius blinked. Did this mean, that in another life, he could have been with Remus for all this time? If only one of them had spoken up, would he have never had to eliminate Tonks? Would this situation have been set up genuinely without Sirius’s hand playing a part in it? 

 

“Well, it’s alright… I’m here to show you the ropes. I can remind you, and we can relive it all together.” Sirius promised, heart hammering. 

 

“Good, because I don’t think I’d want to miss a moment of being your boyfriend,” Remus replied. 

 

Sirius beamed. He knew sooner or later something was prone to fall. He didn’t know how long this could last - how long he could convince Remus to stay. All of it was up in the air. He thought about how all this time he was right-  Remus did want him as much as he wanted Remus. Surely, there was nothing wrong with making them come together - no matter how extreme his methods were - if they both wanted it? 

 

It was only so long before someone discovered Tonks. It was only so long before a party went out to look for her. Yet, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to care. In the here and the now, he had Remus. 

 

All he ever wanted was Remus. 

 

And with the knowledge he knew now, he couldn’t help but wonder...

 

_ Was he ever really yours, Tonks?  _

**Author's Note:**

> My boyfriend is begging me to write an epilogue, so I might one day soon.


End file.
